Conform & Comply
Medium: Ink Pen on Canvas
I was born too soon to truly understand my late father. I think of him and am reminded of the self-imposed pressure of trying to conform & comply to his imaginary expectations. Always feeling as though every one of my senses had to adhere to something in order to possibly seem like a better son. This pressure blinded me to the moments when he confided in me his pain and struggles. But through that, I did attempt to find commonalities between us, like our pained mouths, similar facial features, and even with the foods we liked.
Conform & Comply showcases these commonalities but also serves as a reminder of what my childish brain failed to understand, which was a man in pain. Conform showcases our similarities while also showing my desire to relate to my father. Comply strays from Conform’s torture with a snarky reminder of my senses adhering to his expectations, even when he is gone. With moments of joy being overshadowed by my constant compliance to all that he was.
The process behind Conform & Comply began with a rough pencil sketch that would later be lightly painted over so it could then stippled. In doing so, it felt like a burial which helped me reflect on the hazy distorted memories I have left over. Both pieces found a way to expose the pressure I used to feel while also remembering some of the things my father and I shared.
